Return to 1997 AUTUMN Index
or Farewell Barbie Princess
By Mr Goose - Armchair Anarchist at your service...
No one can have failed to hear the tragic news that Princess Diana is no longer with us. The Barbie Princess, Dodi Fayed eldest son of Harrods boss Mohammed Al Fayed, and the driver were all killed as their S Class Mercedes Benz - reckoned by many motoring experts to be one of the safest cars in the world - overturned and ploughed into a tunnel pillar in a Parisian express way.
Now, I don't want to belittle the obvious grief felt by the Fayed family nor do I wish to condone the behaviour of those lunatics on bikes who pursued her - but let's get serious for one moment.
The highway that was the set for the high speed chase is a major route for Parisian traffic, had a 80kmh speed limit - last time I flapped my wings over those environs. So why the hell were they traveling up to190kmh (120mph - BBC) - over double the speed limit - through an urban motorway tunnel in the wee small hours of 1997 August 31?
The fourth passenger in the car survived - perhaps he will shed some light on events when he leaves hospital. In the mean time it is reasonable to assume the supposedly experienced Ritz Hotel driver - in the employ of the Fayeds - was acting upon Diana's or her special friend's instruction. So what was the reason for this fatal example of remote-control reckless driving?
A gaggle of press photographers were pursuing her car. What terrible weapons were these guys carrying that necessitated such incredible speed? Grenades? Machine guns? Land mines perhaps? No, just cameras!
You can't have it both ways. OK - so everyone is entitled to privacy - but this woman systematically courted the publicity for years - to the extent of publicly embarrassing the future King of England on national television.
I have it on good authority that Diana was no stranger to driving without due care and attention to other road users - allegedly seen recently jumping red lights in London to avoid press photographers. Nor was she particularly concerned regarding her own safety or the inconvenience she may cause to rescue services, a trait she demonstrated recently when she failed to wear a life jacket whilst jetskiing with her latest chum.
I feel sorry for all concerned, for the late princess's family and friends, and especially for the young Princes, William and Harry, once again thrust into the spotlight of publicity due to the bizarre antics of their parents. Nevertheless, one can't help feeling nauseous watching certain Royals and their minions crying crocodile tears for the woman who did so much to disgrace the House of Windsor.
Not even old Charley-boy comes out of this mess smelling of roses. Do we really want a monarch who can walk up the aisle with someone whilst being in love with someone else?
Anyway, on that fateful Sunday morning, almost all BBC radio channels switched schedules to cover the story. I say cover - I mean present an incessant stream of toadying politicians saying how sorry they are! Humbug! With the constitutional crisis looming as a result of the Royal Couple's highly public love affairs, I can only imagine certain members of the establishment dancing jigs around the Balmoral kitchen table!
Now we have to watch Prime Minister Blair - probably the only man in the country who can grin and grizzle simultaneously - sobbing into the camera telling us how we'll all miss her. I'm sorry but I won't! Meanwhile Paddy Ashdown, prune-faced leader of the UK's lack-lustre Liberal Drearycrat Party waffled on incessantly about how speechless he was - if only he were!
Despite the public demonstrations of grief on the part of our political leaders, her untimely death has saved the UK establishment years of legal constitutional wrangles. In my view, to pretend otherwise is hypocrisy of the worst kind.
Yet in all the recent press coverage, not a thought has been given to this, or, equally important, to the risk the star-crossed lovers posed to other road users. Why is it assumed that the poor have to abide by the rules of the road, whilst the rich and famous can drive how they like?
Shortly after the smash, seven press photographers were arrested by French Police - and the press will doubtlessly be blamed for this terrible incident. Sure, these photographers, and the tabloid editors that hired them have behaved very badly.
But if you drive a car at twice the speed limit through a tunnel in a built-up area and hit a pillar, you'll get little sympathy from me even if you are rich and famous! We should be grateful they only hit an inanimate object. Just imagine what - or worse, who - they could have hit instead!
Surely the guilty party is the person who instructed the driver to put his foot to the floor, not the guys on bikes taking the pix?
1997 September 01
I apologise to readers who feel my views to be harsh or untimely. I particularly extend this apology the American websurfers who have written to the Editor offended by my tongue-in-cheek article concerning the Royal Divorce in our Back Issues archive. You should, however, remember that you guys were sensible enough to ditch hereditary leadership in favour of an elected president and a properly documented constitution. Clinging to the past, we have tolerated years of hypocrisy and half-truths from our so-called Royal Family and its hangers-on - often at the tax-payers expense.
At school we're taught to look up to these people, whilst accepting the curious mixed-bag of anachronistic anomalies our Monarchy presents. Later we're glued to our sets as certain Royals deliberately impose their squalid private lives upon us by arranging carefully orchestrated interviews on prime-time TV. Unsurprisingly, recent opinion polls prior to the Parisian prang indicate that the proportion the adult population who actually want the Royal Family is dwindling. Same goes for the ludicrous, semi-feudal system of hereditary peerage which dominates the House of Lords - our upper assembly. An increasing number of UK citizens are asking, "Isn't it time we did away with the whole class-based, us-and-them muddle, and ran our country more like other western democracies?"
Then again, I'm only a common goose, so what do I know?
Tip: Next time you get nicked for speeding on the freeway, claim you were being obtrusively photographed. Those speed cameras can be a real bother you know! See if the judge will let YOU off!
Royal website: http://www.royal.gov.uk Apparently they got 2,000,000 hits in one day when the tragic news broke.