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by Jack Walsh
WANT to see a flying saucer?
Follow our ten-point plan to effective UFO spotting...
1 Find a top secret military airbase, a favourite with aliens everywhere. They aren't marked on the map but if you see lots of strange aircraft and "keep out" signs you are in the right place.
2 Dress warmly. UFO vigils can go on all night and it is important to be prepared. Wear a woolly jumper, a balaclava, thick trousers and, of course, an anorak. You'll be able to spot other UFO experts easily-they'll be wearing the same thing.
3 Carry the right equipment. You'll need a torch, a good pair of binoculars, a camera, a watch and a pen and pad to note down experiences. Oh, carry a flask-it gets parky out there.
4 Stand on a hill. For some reason, UFO pilots like to hover over hills before turning round and zipping off in to the sky. Experts say they may be following hidden ley lines deep in the ground.
5 Stand near water. Rivers, lakes and ponds draw UFOs like magnets. If you visit Loch Ness, go for the double and try to spot the monster at the same time.
6 Watch for crop circles. These are a sure sign of alien activity. However, do NOT stand in the middle of one and watch for a UFO. Hundreds have tried and nobody saw a thing.
7 Watch for other UFO spotters. If you see them ask what they've seen. Take a friend to relieve the boredom and help you stay awake. Counting the stars is as good a method as any.
8 If you see something, note down the EXACT time you saw it and PRECISELY what you saw. Note how many UFOs are seen, what they look like, where they came from, where they went, how they moved, what colours they were and ANYTHING which may be of interest.
9 After the experience, note how YOU are feeling. Are you tired, excited, amazed or do you feel drunk? Do you have sunburn? Are you light headed? Has your watch started spinning backwards? Are you speaking gobbledegook?
10 The most important rule: if a UFO lands near you, DON'T get abducted. Most aliens aren't friendly, so if they descend from their space ship and come walking towards you ... RUN!
