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Hack Boris Genc had a mission: produce a decent back page story for this new E-Zine
Unfortunately, a surfeit of brandy and gamma radiation from his monitor had completely destroyed his creative mind. His brains were utterly trashed. Boris's capacity for alcohol had confounded medical experts for many years! His brain now resembled a medium sized pickled walnut!
Dr. Dream, his faithful personal computer had also suffered a serious technical problem, a bad case of biscuit crumbs in his ROM drive. Working for Boris is a tough job, but some one has to do it!
Realising how quickly the sands of time were slipping through his fingers, Boris grubbed about in the bowels of Dr. Dream's hard drive for some solid news stories. No luck there! All Boris's stuff had been used at least ten times, and the rest of his material was completely unintelligible.
What could he do, make up something? After all, if Boris had learnt one thing from his non-existent journalism school days, that was not to let a little thing like the truth stand in the way of a good story.
Then a cosmic bolt from the blue struck him: write a completely un-funny, spoof, sci-fi style, detective story, sort of thing! Using Buck Rogers style plots, and futile attempts at schoolboy humour, Boris attempted to lure his trusting and unsuspecting audience into his dark world of virtuality and intrigue.
His desk lamp dimmed, "Oh no, not another black out," he thought. "I knew I shouldn't have had those last three pints of Guinness. Still a man has to do..."
Boris paused, realising his audience could not stand the excitement any longer, and so decided to insert a cliff hanger into his rambling script and pick up the story in the next edition.
All of sudden there was a crash!
Pip Pip!
QUOTE: An alcohol-free newspaper is like pleasure-free sex.
Ian Hislop, Editor of Private Eye Magazine, discussing the changes in British journalism
on BBC Radio 4, Sunday June 11, 1995.
Boris Genc is a freelance journalist and an 'all in', freestyle slug balancer. Return To Text
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