Return To Summer 1996 Index
Return To Summer 1996 Index
Big news this month was Tesco, Dame Shirley Porter's other purveyors of fine baloney and waffles overtaking good old Sainsburys in the superstore market share performance table (courtesy stupid financial acronyms Inc.) This news was greeted with much puzzlement and gnashing of teeth, but not to me. To me it was as obvious as soon as Sainsbugs Crusty-Bake mini pork pies took a nose-dive in the quality department. Gone were those hazy lazy days when the lads would wax lyrical about how the particular succulence of the filling contrasted so delightfully with the perfectly baked casing!
However its not all bad news, Sainsbugs are still in with a shout thanks to their imaginative permanent discount on their excellent three litre bottles of Strong Dry Cider (fare that makes me salivate). So come on Mr.Sainsbugs pull your socks up and employ some more proles in the Quality Control Department, that's what we want! That, and a way of getting past the all-singing all-dancing technologically advanced checkout quicker than throwing a bunch of tenners at some old biddy on a Jewish piano. (Are tills religious ? - Ed.)
I've been working on a site near London recently and all those chirpy cockney accents reminded me of my old mate Alf Garnett, West Ham supporter and all round bigot. Did you know he's discovered culture? Cor blimey! I ask you, Alf Garnett gets culture, he's playing the lead role in 'Death of a Salesman' by Norma Jean's ex old man Arthur Miller. The TV producers are stuck with the conundrum of no one taking him seriously, because they're expecting him to utter such gems as "Stands to reason dunnit!" and "You silly moo!" So they have decide to screen this masterpiece on the day time schools slot so it goes out at about 11 o'clock am. Thereby ensuring no body viewing has ever seen'Until Death Do Us Part'.
We even had a European Be Nice To Builders week. So don't lose your patience if your plumber's three weeks late. He's probably frantically trying to familiarise himself with the new politically correct labels for stop cocks and male and female couplings. Ooh errr sounds a bit rude! Fnnar! Fnnar!
Right THATS IT! Down tools lads, it's tea break!
