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Christmas is usually a pretty grim time for most of us geese. This year it has taken a definite turn for the worse as rampant goosism has struck once again at the heart of this green and pleasant island. Just last week, former deputy leader of Britain's no-hope Labour Party, Roy Hattersley allowed his dog, Buster, off its lead in a Royal Park, where the nasty little beast killed a perfectly innocent goose, swimming quietly around his pond, minding his own business.
Portly Hattersley did not even bother shifting his ample arse to the hearing in Bow street Magistrates Court, London, where the beak fined him paltry £25 for failing to keep Buster, a Staffordshire Bull Terrier, on his lead, and £50 for 'worrying' the goose, whose name was George.
Worried? Worried? Poor old George was mauled to death. Taking this latest example of human doublespeak to its ultimate conclusion I think its time we geese migrate temporarily to the Metropolis. Yes, let's give its inhabitants, both goose and human a Crimbo present I'm sure they will ALL appreciate. We'll 'worry' old Fattersley - and his demented mutt!.
Disheartened by all the bad publicity, Hattersley claims it was all a big mistake. Pleading that the dog slipped it lead as he bent down to clean up after the canine shit bag, he finally admitted the charges and was ordered to pay legal costs. He said he was very sorry. Big deal!
By the way, I hear that Splattersley fancies himself as a bit of a funny man these days. The satirical BBC TV program, Have I Got News For You, invited old Splutersley to appear on the show. He didn't turn up, so instead the team substituted a tub of Lard - which was much funnier than Fattersley any day!
Christmas Sucks!
Source BBC CEEFAX 1996 November 20, Wednesday