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The long winter evenings draw in and I have developed a fine glossy coat in order to keep myself warm. Not, my little bunnikins, that you will need one if you have followed my advice. I trust the wintry days find you spread out on deep pile carpet before a glowing fire. Nothing like it.
To be honest I grow sentimental at this time of year. It was at Christmas that I chose Sarah and found myself for the first time in her flat. What fun. I came straight out of my box and straight up the Christmas tree captivated by the scent and taste of sweet, fresh pine needles. Start as you mean to go on that's what I say. For afters it's always very refreshing to gnaw the edge of doors. Keeps your teeth trimmed and ready for the next meal.
Ah- well. As I said Christmas is always a good time of year for rabbits. Plenty of good food and chocolate - though Sarah is a bit stingy on the rations with these. The TV tells me that the country side is full of fattening geese. Oh, joy and fun. There they stand - stupid- birds and eat and eat, for their own destruction. See Mr Goose - just YOU wait. I hate that bird and his gaggle of silly friends. Complete waste of pond-space.
Entre Nous - Sarah is trying to sell her place. Now I have serious doubts about this. Firstly, you know I like it here - its a perfect size for a large rabbit and secondly the new house will have a garden. Now I'm not one to eavesdrop much but I heard Sarah on the 'phone saying that she will probably put me in a hutch outside. This is simply appalling and can't be tolerated. So I have launched a cunning plan of campaign. Firstly keep it simple. I have attacked every estate agent who has walked through the door.
It is simply impossible for anyone to talk business when an agitated rabbit is chewing your trouser leg. Secondly I have chewed most of the available electrical cables to radiators and so forth. In order to sell the flat, these will have to repaired. With luck, this will put off the evil hour. I also have chewed every door in the flat in the hope the repair will repel any interested buyer.
Thirdly I am proud to recall my masterly control of the great carpet clean up.
She hired a carpet cleaner to remove some -uhem- stains from the newish carpet. Apparently another ploy to catch a buyer. This entailed getting up very early - moving all the furniture out into the kitchen (my kitchen!) and shampooing and vacuuming like there's no tomorrow. The cunning rabbit will bide his time. I looked demure and good in my kitchen cupboard and waited. And waited and waited until Sarah had returned the cleaner to the shop and came back to sit down with a well deserved cup of coffee to contemplate the fruits of her labour. It did look nice I must say. But hey, you know, it's war!
Sarah has a particularly nice stack of biscuits in the kitchen and the moment she opened the packet and sat down again I made my move. I shot out of my cupboard at a rate of about 30 kmh and launched myself like a missile on her lap. I made a grab at the biscuit, retrieved it and turned on sixpence to run back to my space. Sadly I knocked over her full mug of coffee as I did so and a brown, evil smelling stain crept across a large area of the newly cleaned floor. Whoops!
I had no idea that humans could get so angry. Still, no sign of buyer! Tee Hee!.
Enjoy your Christmas and have a happy New Year.
Lupin.