Webfooted Weblog

Well thank goodness it is all over. England lost. No surprises there. No more stupid flag-waving and chanting (at least for a while). Hopefully the disgraceful behaviour of its fans will now subside into a more mundane and dreary level of chavdom and petty crime.

The fact that England (or “Engerland” as it is called by its grunting fans) got chucked out of the World Cup again is not the issue here. To get a feeling for the depths to which our nation has really sunk, take a look at this oafish, useless, spiteful, moronic chav. His mum must be so proud of him…

Wayne Rooney stamping on Portuguese defender Ricardo Carvalho’s testicles. From http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/world_cup_2006/5122676.stm

Yes folks, this is “Engerland’s” star player Wayne Rooney, stamping on another man’s testicles as he and the bunch of useless, overpaid left-footers he plays with botch yet another match.

What kind of a human being can stamp on another man’s testicles? And what sort of message does this send out to “Engerland’s” beer-swilling, brawling supporters. Is it any wonder English football fans behave the way they do when this is the example the players set?

Far from being some sort of national hero, Rooney should be charged for assault and if convicted, jailed for life. This is a criminal offence, and Rooney is a violent, useless chav who should be dropped from the team immediately.

Elsewhere, 1500 “Engerland” fans poured more shame on this once-proud nation as they rioted in the otherwise quiet island of Jersey. Apparently they wanted to smash up some Portuguese shops. Why? Because Portugal won a football match!

Strange to think that in the middle of the last century countless people gave up their lives to defeat Naziism. Today, vile racist thugs drape themselves in our flag and have a free hand to do pretty much whatever they like.

The English team and its Neanderthal supporters are a national disgrace. Perhaps before we embarrass ourselves again at the next “World Cup”, the overpaid plonker calling himself “England Manager” will have the good grace to resign his team from the competition before it plays a single match. That way we can avoid any further football-based national disgrace, on or off the field.

Perhaps the greatest irony of all is that racist, flag-waving scumbags here in old Blighty are forever complaining about immigrants. But take one look at our football team and the morons that support it. Look at our appallingly incompetent and corrupt Government. Look at the state of our streets, our public services and our infrastructure. Bear in mind we are one of the most highly taxed nations on earth. Why any self-respecting foreign person should want to live here is completely beyond me.

I gave my girlfriend my TV. She doesn’t watch it either! You see, here in the UK we have to pay over a hundred quid a year for a “TV Licence” just to watch this junk - even if you only watch foreign channels via satellite!

If you don’t have a TV Licence then the TV Licensing Authority send you letters asking why you don’t have a Licence? Most of mine go in the goose-shredder, unopened. But I confess I sent the last one back with just two words written on it with my large webbed feet, in thick, felt-tip pen. The second word was “OFF”.

And we still have vans with ‘revolving roof racks‘ roaming the streets trying to catch those who watch but don’t pay!

Now, to cap it all, the silly sods at the BBC have just given a revolting, gobby moron called Jonathan Ross a £18-million, 3-year contract, 100% paid for by the Licence Payers!

• http://uk.news.yahoo.com/09062006/325/
  jonathan-ross-signs-new-deal-bbc.html

Most of the Licence Payers I have discussed the matter with would happily club together and pay that just to have the guy assassinated!

Honk! Honk!

Well, join the club! That horrid, resource-hogging monstrosity is the bane of my life. My advice? Dump Norton - if you can manage to uninstall the damned thing! My experience of Norton Antivirus is that it behaves much like the viruses it is supposed to protect you from…

1. Uses lots of processing power.
2. Stops other programs working properly.
3. Difficult to remove.

So, for good, honest, does-what-it-says-on-the-tin, AV protection may I suggest the excellent, open source Clamwin instead. Seven good reasons…

1. It detects viruses that Norton misses.
2. It doesn’t hog all your resources.
3. It uninstalls cleanly if you don’t like it.
4. Its developer is honest about its shortcomings.
5. It’s free.
6. All its updates are free.
7. It’s not Norton.

Erm, try it…

http://www.clamwin.com/

If you need a software firewall then you might prefer Zone Alarm to Norton Firewall. The simple freeware version has kept my mum’s PC free of worms for years. Mother Goose does not like worms in her PC! And it’s pretty easy to understand & set up.

http://www.zonelabs.com/

Better, how about a hardware firewall? Your needs may be more complex than mine but I find the firewall that came free with my Netgear broadband modem/hub/router/wireless/make-the-tea thing does me just fine.

But then I’m a simple soul…

They say “there is a mug born every minute”. Judging from the contents of our ‘in boxes’, the planet is becoming overrun by them. It seems astonishing to us geese, that articulate, intelligent humans actually believe that if they give some unknown company all their friends’ personal details then they will receive something really great for free, with no strings. It’s all true - like I’m Mother Teresa’s web-footed nephew!

The latest attempt at persuading people to sell-out their friends for a few freebies is now hitting our mailboxes here at GarfNet. It comes from an outfit calling itself ‘GetItFree‘. You go to GetItFree’s website and give it your friends’ email addresses. If you betray enough of your friends, then you might receive a free iPod. Meantime, GetItFree spams all your friends until they join up too, amidst offers of all sorts of free goodies. And if your buddies don’t join up first time, GetItFree continues to spam them, er I mean ‘remind‘ them until they do!

Why are you humans so gullible? Wake up and smell the pond, er I mean coffee! It’s just yet another email harvesting scam! It works like this…

Lists of genuine email addresses are worth a lot of money. These scams bring out the Judas in gullible humans by persuading you to sell your friends email addresses for a handful of silver (e.g. an iPod). Then, surprise, surprise, no silver! If you really hassle them you might get something of lesser value. But probably not! The key to how this scam works is actually contained in GetItFree’s own terms of service, if you can be bothered to read them…

http://www.getitfree.net/index.php?target=tos

Especially this bit (copied verbatim 2006-05-12)…

“GetItFree reserves the right to modify or amend this Agreement at any time, for any reason, or for no reason at all, at GetItFree’s sole discretion. We also reserves the right to change the methods through which free products are earned. This may include, but is not limited to, increasing the number of friends you have to refer or adding more steps to confirm that you have a legitimate account. GetItFree may also add or remove any gift product listed as an incentive at any time. If we replace a product, the new product may not be of equal value.“

I.e. You sell-out your friends. Then GetItFree can change the agreement in whatever way it wants, whenever it pleases and you are entitled to precisely NOTHING! Great deal huh?!? At least Judas actually received his thirty pieces of silver!

My advice…

1. Do a Google search before subscribing to any “too good to be true” scheme/scam. It only takes a few minutes and it can save your friendships and prevent you from making a complete fool of yourself. http://www.google.com
2. If the scam is web-based then read its terms and conditions carefully. You might need a magnifying glass to read all that smallprint but they are always good for a laugh!
3. If you really are determined to be stupid then please don’t involve us! We don’t want any free offers. Please don’t give companies our personal details without asking our permission. Especially mine!

By the way, if you live in the European Union then passing on other people’s personal details to third parties without their consent probably contravenes the EU Privacy Directive and you could face legal action.

Honk! Honk!

I had to honk with a certain amount of web-footed shadenfreuder when I read that Microsoft Vista, the much-hyped new version of Windows, is to be delayed yet again, till 2007 January this time.

• Slashdot: http://slashdot.org/articles/06/03/21/2331210.shtml
• BBC: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/4831374.stm

Surely not!

Thing is, methinks this year (2006) will be the turning point for the open source community. There is so much good free open source software out there now and every day it gets better & better. For example, Linux operating system is now so smooth that for the majority of users, this does everything they need, at zero cost and without the dreadful security issues that seem permanently to plague Windoze users.

• http://www.linux.org

And frankly, OpenOffice (the free open source Office suite for both Windows & Linux) is in some respects better than M$ Office.

• http://www.openoffice.org

Even my goosy blog is run on 100% open source software. I’m a poor old goose and I won’t sell any more of my splendid feathers to pay for Windoze! And what about the really poor folks in the majority world? People there simply can’t afford the huge price Micro$oft extorts from its users in the West - for a product that for the last fiteen years has consistently failed to deliver on it promises. Methinks that pretty soon, even wealthy western businesses are going to start asking, “What the flippin’ heck are we paying Micro$haft all this money for?”

Indeed, we are starting to see (here in the UK anyway) cheap, OS-free PC’s. I reckon it may not be long before Windoze becomes an expensive optional extra. I.e. “Linux for free or Windoze for fifty quid”. That kind of thing. Or M$ will have to drop the price considerably. Methinks M$ Office c/w Windoze for tenner would be about right!

Then there is Kofi Annan’s $100 laptop for the majority world. This is his one laptop per child initiative (OLPC). Not a whiff of M$ Windoze here. Just like GarfNet, this baby is 100% penguin-powered and full of unixy goodness. I.e. it runs Linux…

• http://web.mit.edu/newsoffice/2005/laptop-1116.html
• http://www.laptopical.com/annan-unveils-cheap-laptop.html

It means that a whole generation of kids will grow up without going anywhere near a M$ product!!!

Mind you I think the mock-ups look far too nice for a load of horrid, grubby-fingered kids! And how about a one laptop per goose (OLPG) campaign then, Kofi? Rampant goosism, that’s what I call it!

• http://laptop.org/download.en_US.html

Anyway, I digress. It’s hard to tell what will happen to M$ now. My guess it will be back to the late 1980’s - they’ll be back to giving away Windoze again! With lean times on the way for the mighty Micro$haft, I’m not sure what they’ll feed that fat cat, CEO Steve Ballmer?

“Developers, developers, developers, developers” perhaps?

Honk! Honk!

[dedicated to “the Angel”, as she gets her first insights into open source]

A friend in New Jersey sent me this. I always thought Republicans were such sweet guys! Ah well, read on…

You know you’re Republican when…

1. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
2. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush’s daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a “we can’t find Bin Laden” diversion.
3. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to the spirit of international harmony.
4. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing UN resolutions against Iraq.
5. A woman can’t be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi- national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans’ benefits and combat pay.
7. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won’t have sex.
8. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
9. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism. HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.
10. Global warming and tobacco’s link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
11. A president lying about an extramarital affair is a impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
12. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
13. The public has a right to know about Hillary’s cattle trades, but George Bush’s driving record is none of our business.
14. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you’re a conservative radio host. Then it’s an illness and you need ourprayers for your recovery.
15. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the ’80s is irrelevant.
16. Remember, Republicans will always be the first and fattest hog at the government trough.

Feel free to pass this on, remember: friends don’t let friends vote Republican!

“I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.” E B White

Seems Metropolitan Police Chief Sir Ian Blair (no relation) has finally admitted recording a private telephone conversation he had with Lord Goldsmith, the brown-nosed, Blairite Attorney General.

The conversation was about, er, the use of wire tapping evidence in court!

Source BBC News…
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/4800172.stm

Following futher concerns from health experts about the global spread of bird flu, United States president George Bush has just announced drastic measures.

Tomorrow morning, the US Airforce will start bombing the Canary Islands.

Look here it is. Something like this would do…

[question] How many surealist painters does it take to change a lightbulb?

[answer] A lemon.